What is Weight Loss Surgery?

This is going to be a series of blog posts, I think. I was trying to think of all the topics that I wanted to cover in regards to this surgery, and I started thinking about how long it would be to read all of that. So I'm going to break up the ideas I have so everyone can peruse them however you want.

Blog post numero uno: what is gastric bypass, and why did I choose it over the other weight loss surgeries?

Basically, there are 3 major options for weight loss surgery.

1. The Lap Band.

            They put an adjustable band around your stomach, and they can make it tighter or looser with saline solution that they put into the port under the skin with a needle.

            Here are some things that I didn't like about this option. Statistically, patients have had less weight loss and have kept it off for less time than the other surgeries. 

           Secondly, you have that thing in you forever. I don't like that idea because of the risk of infection. I mean, I know there's a risk of infection with any surgery, but especially one that purposefully leaves something behind inside of you.

          Thirdly, there's this thing called “productive burping.” It sounds horrifying. I won't go into lots of detail, but the three words to best describe it are “soooooooo much mucous.” I'll leave your imaginations to wander how they will.

2. Gastric Sleeve.

            Pretty simple idea. Cut the stomach in half (vertically) and take out the extra part. Then your stomach is like a third of the size that it was.

            I only have one reason I didn't want this surgery; it's is because of the chance that I might have worse heartburn after the surgery than before, for some reason. I already take daily medications for GERD; if I don't take it, I feel like someone is putting out a cigarette inside my chest every few minutes. I don't need that to be any worse than what it already is. I'm not sure why it can get worse after the surgery. Hang on, let me look it up. *Googles stuff* Yeah, I still don't know. Sorry.

3. Gastric bypass.

This is definitely the most complicated and invasive one. It's too complicated to explain, so here's an animated video that shows you the steps. 

I've heard this called the “gold standard” of weight loss surgeries. You get the most weight loss and you keep it off for the longest. There could be complications with this one, obviously, as with all surgeries. There could be small bowel obstructions, dumping syndrome, and a slew of other things. But I'm choosing this one over the other, less invasive surgeries simply because I'm more willing to deal with the risks of surgery than I am of staying overweight.

The Risks

Potential complications of gastric bypass:

small bowel obstructions

dumping syndrome

hair loss

dehydration

ulcers

nutritional deficiencies

However, if I don't lose the weight...

Risks of morbid obesity:

Diabetes

blindness

heart attack

stroke

sores in toes and feet leading to amputations

nerve damage in feet

digestion problems

kidney damage requiring dialysis

Wear and tear on joints that will probably require surgeries

Many of those that I listed are really the complications from diabetes, like the blindness and nerve damage and stuff. But if I don't lose weight, it's not a matter of IF I get diabetes, but WHEN.

I know it sounds like the complications of surgery are terrible, and they are. But compared to the complications that come from morbid obesity? I dunno… I'd rather be dehydrated than blind. I'd rather have nutritional deficiencies than have my extremities amputated. I'd rather have thin hair than a stroke. I'd rather throw up if I eat something my stomach can't handle (aka “dumping syndrome”) than be on dialysis for the rest of my life. So yeah, when you put the complications side by side, I know what the best plan is for me.   

To clarify, the sleeve and bypass share some of the risks I listed. It's not like bypass is exponentially more risky than the others, although reading through this made me realize that's what I've implied. 

Before the surgery

Before I even qualified for the surgery, there were a lot of steps I had to take and meetings I had to go to. The surgical weight loss program at Utah Valley Hospital makes you jump through some hoops. I don't think that the extra steps are bad at all. I think it's great that they make you see a psychologist to see how you're doing emotionally, and if you can handle the big life change coming up. Seeing a nutritionist and exercise therapist are important steps, too, because you need to know what's expected of you in order for you to lose weight after the surgery. And then they make you get some lab work done, which makes sense to me, too. I'm glad that I'll have this support system of professionals to help guide me through the recovery.

Although this wasn't a requirement, they highly recommended that I go to the support group for people that have had weight loss surgery. They only meet once a month, so I've only been to one meeting, but it was so helpful to see people on the other side of the surgery at different stages of their recovery. I even got a new wardrobe from a girl who was giving away all of her pre-surgery clothes.

As many of you know, one of the biggest things before surgery is that I have to be on a “liquid” diet for three weeks. (I put that in quotations because they have tv-dinner style meals that are “easily digestible” and “packed with protein” that I can have. Basically if you just mix your Lean Cuisine with protein powder, that's what they are.)

After the surgery

After the surgery, there will definitely be some issues that I'll have for the rest of life, and some things that I might have. For example, because the amount of nutrients decreases so much, I'll be required to take supplements for the rest of my life (like a mulitvitamin and calcium).

I'll have to be extra diligent with my water intake, making sure that I'm drinking a bit at a time throughout the day. I can't just gulp a couple cups of water down before bed and call it good.

I might have some hair loss, which is incredibly annoying to me, because I'm vain about my hair.

So there you go. Gastric bypass. Now you know as much as I do. 

Feel All The Feelings!

Wow, I'm so amazed at this last episode of Grey's Anatomy. I'm completely flabbergasted that FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, they had a scene that actually made sense, and someone said stuff that I actually agreed with!! AMAZING!

I seriously have no idea why I watch that show. I don't know how many times they've played out the same story lines. They're so completely uncreative that the characters have had to deal with TWO plane crashes within the last 3 seasons. Not to mention that the characters are so poorly written that they're all basically the same person. They all speak exactly the same way, and do all the same inappropriate things, They're all insane. If they were real people and I ever met any of them in real life, I would steer clear of them, ESPECIALLY if I found out that they were my doctors. And don't even get me started on the sex drama. As soon as there's a new character, you know it's just a matter of time before they sleep with everyone one by one. It's so smutty that it's almost embarrassing to admit that I watch it. Then there's the justification and rationalization for all the terrible things they do: patient doesn't want a certain treatment? Do it anyway, just as long as it works the patient doesn't need to know what you did to them. Want to cheat on your spouse? Go ahead, they were just being a jerk anyway. And then to add to all of this, the acting is laughable. Someone remind me why I watch this show?

Anyway, most of this last episode was the same drivel as always, but there was one scene that was a shining light. For a brief moment, I was actually quite moved, and inwardly shouted "YES!" because it touched on a principle that I think it so important. Then it went on to more of the same ol' stuff.

But I really want to tell you about this scene. I even typed up the dialogue and what was going on to post it because I want you to read it so I can blog about it.

BTW, if you're into this show, and you haven't seen the last couple of episodes, there are some spoilers ahead. Obviously. So don't read it if you want to be surprised. (Which you won't be. They don't do anything surprising on that show.)

So anyway, Derek the brilliant neurosurgeon just died (stupidly) in a car accident, which was totally his fault because he stopped in the middle of a u-turn on a winding mountain road to look for his cell phone, which was stupid in and of itself because he knew there was no reception!! Idiot. They couldn't have made it more obvious that they were trying to write his character off the show if they tried.

Everybody is dealing with his death in different ways. His wife took their kids and ran away, his friends are taking out their anger issues on every person who looks at them funny, two people decided to go to Iraq or Afghanistan or somewhere. Amelia, Derek's sister, who is also a brilliant neurosurgeon, says she's fine and just cracks jokes about Derek being dead.

Months and months after Derek dies, Amelia finally breaks. She is a recovering drug addict, and she buys some Oxy to get numb. Owen, her used-to-be-sort-of-boyfriend happens to run into her at her house in the middle of the woods (what a coincidence! You're here, too?) where she's having an internal fight whether or not she should take the Oxy. After admitting to Owen what's going on, and talking for a few minutes, this is the conversation that takes place:

Amelia: Every man I've ever loved has died, including my baby. [points to the sky] Thank you, universe!... I'm good, I got this, I'm fine. I'm telling you, I'm amazing... I'm handling the dead Derek thing really well. Except today... I went and scored Oxy from this junkie doctor.

Owen: But you haven't taken it?

Amelia: Not yet. But I might. That's the thing. I really actually might. I have been sober for 1,321 days, Owen. I was fine. It was managed. But I might.

Owen: All that stuff you're “managing?” You're not supposed to be managing it. You're supposed to be feeling it: grief, loss, pain, it is normal.

Amelia: It's not normal.

Owen: It is. It is normal. It's not normal for you because you've never done it.

Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief, and the pain, you've shoved it all down, and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it. Instead of dealing with being hurt, alone, and afraid... [you] run from it... We do these things, we run off, and we medicate, and we do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it's not normal. We're supposed to feel, we're supposed to love, and hate, and hurt, and grieve, and break, and be destroyed, and rebuild ourselves, and be destroyed again. THAT is human, THAT is humanity. That's being alive. That's the point. That's the entire point. Don't avoid it. Don't extinguish it.

[Amelia chokes back tears]

Amelia: Derek died.

[Owen nods]

Amelia: He died. I don't want to feel it! I don't think I can. I don't think I even want... I can't. I can't, I can't do this. [pulls out bag of oxy]

[Talking over each other]

Amelia: I can't!

Owen: If you don't...

Amelia: Shh! I can't do this!

Owen: You have to! If you don't, that bag of Oxy's not gonna be your last.

[Amelia looks at the bag longingly, but hands it over to Owen. He takes it. She breaks down in tears and falls to her knees. He falls to his knees with her and holds her as she sobs.]

Owen: You'll survive this, okay? Everybody does. It's perfectly normal. It's boring, even, it's so normal.

[end scene, lol]

Living life is hard and painful sometimes, and other times it's rewarding and joyful. As one of my heroes Glennon Doyle Melton says, life is brutiful (beautiful and brutal). The harsh realities of life are even more cruel when we feel like we can't talk about them, or face them, like what we feel is an accident. I really believe that we're supposed to feel all the feelings. If you believe in God or a creator or whatever, ask yourself, why would we be created with this brutiful spectrum of feelings if we weren't supposed to feel them all? Even if you don't believe in God, surely the principle of the necessity of opposites still hold true; to feel joy, we must also feel sadness, right?

Glennon Doyle Melton says this so perfectly when she talks about how we're all born sensitive to the world. When we start feeling weird about ourselves, or when we realize how rough the world is, we start trying to hide our real, sensitive selves behind whatever will numb us to the pain. I don't know how to stop that from happening or how to help others from the same fate. We could all use a little more sensitivity in our lives, though. We need more compassion for others and for ourselves. Maybe it takes daily self-reflection and meditation, or maybe the trick is to reach out for the safety net of a strong support system. Probably both. I'm trying to figure that all out.

Like Owen says, we're supposed to feel all of it: the wonderful, the terrible, and everything in between. Pretty good stuff for one of the worst shows on TV, right?

Christmas and the S.O.B.

Well, it's been over a year since I've posted anything. Can you believe it?! I can't. 2015 has completely flown by so fast, I have whiplash. Whenever I start something like this (eg the blog, or a journal, or pretty much anything ever), I start out all stoked and work hard on it consistently, and then the motivation or the ideas fade away. After my post about my butt-date, I couldn't think of a thing to write about. But for some reason, my fingers have been itching to type out something or other, so here we are again.

First of all, let me just get these random observations I made today out of the way:
1. Tic Tacs came out with a new flavor for the holiday season. What do you think their imaginations came up with? Give up? It's candy cane. So... mint? Is that somehow different than all of your other mint flavors? Is this really all the marketing department could come up with?
2. Makeup is equally ridiculous. I saw an ad for a new "Nude" palette of eyeshadow. I can't remember which brand it was. But there were like 3 different shades of green. Tell me, who exactly is your target market?

                           Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. (But she's probably born with it.)

The Christmas season is upon us. The day after Thanksgiving, I went over to my friend's house to help her put up her tree and decorations. We listened to Pentatonix holiday music, and it was wonderful. A couple days after that, my roommates and I decorated our apartment. We even decorated stockings to hang above our fireplace.

                                                                                 Of course mine is the only blue one. 

My Christmas tree is soooo pretty. The colors are all silver and blue, and the lights twinkle. I wish we could keep it up all year round. Here are my favorite ornaments, though.

These are the ones with more sentimental value. I'm just realizing that most of them are snowmen. Oh, well. The snowman in the blue sweater is the ornament I got when I lived in Alaska. The mustachioed Minion is from a cereal box, but I think it's funny. The green flower I got from a cute boy in Hawaii when I was visiting Robyn there several years ago. The ballerina reminds me of my favorite ornament on my parents' tree. I tried to get one just like it, but it's made of porcelain, and I've just never found one. I just love that it's so delicate and graceful. Mine's not made of porcelain, but it's still pretty. Then there the ornament that just looks like a cup make out of wood, because, well, that's what it is. It's a little mini guampa I got in Paraguay.

What else is going on... Oh, I had my last final for the semester today. I really enjoyed my classes. I had a pathophysiology class that was really tough and I'll probably end up retaking it to get a better grade, but my professor was a rockstar. His name is Dr. Bracken; he's the kind of person that I want to be. He's been a doctor for a long time, but he's not bored of medicine, nor worn down by the medical system. He would get teary-eyed once in a while talking about certain patients or certain diseases. He had a lot of funny stories, too. One that I remember was when he was writing on a patient's chart that she was short of breath. Later on, he got called in by his bosses because the lady was in a huff about what he had written on her chart. That's when he realized that she was so mad because he had written in medical shorthand, "Patient is S.O.B." Poor little old lady.

In other news, I've once again started the process of losing weight. I'm trying to do things a little differently this time around. Whenever I go to the gym, I always feel better, and it also makes me want to eat better. So I've been going to the gym once or twice a day, and it's been really fun. As soon as it stops being fun, I'll try new things to keep me from getting bored or hating it. So far my favorite part has been Zumba, which is basically a big dance party. I've definitely got a lot to learn, seeing as my brain shorts out every time we have to do a move with our arms AND our legs at the same time, but I'll get better. If anyone ever wants to work out with me, you're welcome to come along. Especially if you're a hot guy. Then you're definitely welcome. But you know, even if you're not, that's cool, too. Speaking of hot guys, there's a LOT of eye candy at this gym. Why has it taken me so long to go the gym before? Who the heck knows, but I'm converted now.

Anyhoo, from my point of view right now, 2016 is looking pretty good. Bring it on!

The Update on my Butt; or, the Butt-date, if you will

So it occurred to me that I never updated most of you on my butt. Not that you'd ask "Hey, how's your butt?" in proper conversation, but let's be honest, nobody likes being proper. So go ahead, ask me.

How's my butt, do you ask? Fabulous, thank you.

My surgery, back in February, went so smoothly that it surprised me. I was so worried about the bad side effects of anaesthesia that I almost backed out. Even though the anaesthesiologist was about as comforting as a rat, I still went through with it. In the operating room, the last thing that I remember is that everybody was going about their business and not talking to me much. Then I woke up when they tried sticking a cannula in my nose for oxygen. It tickled my nose so much and I kept pulling it out. Also, my face itched sooooo much. I don't know what that was all about.

Anyhoo, then I spent two sleepy days in the hospital. My parents spent what time they could with me, watching movies. We should have brought games, that would have been fun, too. My cousin Sunny brought some beautiful flowers with the best card.

Recovery was actually fine. I had 3 weeks off of work, which I loved. People say they get bored being at home all the time, and I was happy as a clam. (As a side note, I just googled images of happy clams. Apparently there are a few restaurants called The Happy Clam. I'm sure their clams don't appreciate that expectation.)

The worst part about the whole experience was the painkillers. I only took the heavy-duty ones for about 4 or 5 days. Being on the painkillers was fine, it was getting off them that was terrible. I was nauseated and got huge headaches. I spent a day with my head on my mom's lap. I stopped taking those as soon as I could, and took ibuprofen every once in a while when I needed it.

I spent a couple weeks on crutches, too. That was a first. I didn't even mind it.

The first few weeks after the surgery, I felt like I should've been in one of those Dick and Jane books:

See Erin. See Erin sleep. Now see Erin. She is sitting up. Good job, Erin! Soon Erin can walk. Go, Erin, go! See Erin take painkillers. Oh, oh! Erin is funny. Funny, funny Erin.

No really, there were a lot of small victories for me. Sitting down instead of laying down was a big deal, especially when I could sit on Lefty (Lefty being my left butt cheek, in case you didn't catch that). Taking a real shower after like a week of spit baths. Going on a walk down the street.

Since then, I've been happily Pearl Wilson- free. I can't say I'm totally symmetrical, which was really my hope, but hey, I'm not complaining.

The reason I was thinking about this is because about a week and a half ago I got another MRI to see if Pearl was anywhere to be seen, and thankfully, it wasn't. I do have some minimal pain, but I think maybe that's from the scar tissue? Or maybe because the glutes on that side are messed up? I don't know. But it's nothing to worry about, since Pearl is gone. All that's left is a pretty monster size scar and a story about about a monster size tumor that I love to freak people out with.

So there ya go, you've all been updated on my bootay. Aren't you glad you asked?

Therapy Week 1: The Elephant Game

The first week of therapy was great. I liked my therapist right off the bat. His name is Darren. He seems honest and non-judgemental; nice, but not someone that sugar-coats everything. 

 It's weird opening up to a stranger. At the same time, it's also easy, because there's no history between you and no expectation of how you should or shouldn't act or feel.

Due to my cheese-for-brains memory, I don't remember everything that we talked about that first session. Mostly just get-to-know-you stuff. The thing we did that stands out the most is the Elephant Game. He offered me $20 if I could get him to say the word "elephant" in two minutes. I felt pretty silly at the get-go, mostly because I knew I wouldn't win, and that he had a point to the game that I was going to have to learn the hard way. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Okay, what's the name of the largest land animal?
Darren: What's the largest land animal?
Me: You know, big, grey, long trunk, giant ears, ivory tusks?
Darren: A pachyderm.
Me: No, the other name for it.
Darren: You mean Dumbo?
Me: That's a proper noun. I mean the layman's term for it.
Darren: Are you sure that's the largest animal?
Me: Yeah, pretty sure. What do you call that?
Darren: I think the largest animal is a blue whale.
Me: I said land animal.

And so on and so forth, with a lot of hemming and hawing and not answering the question until the two minutes was up. I was unfortunately just as poor after the game as I had been before it.

                                  This elephant looks happy, and that makes me happy!





Darren said that in all his years as a therapist playing the game, only two people won. I think what he said was that the people that won were much more direct with their requests, asking him, "Will you say the word 'elephant' for me?" They were also willing to give up the money in return for him saying the word. The things that I learned from this game are that you need to know what it is that you really want, and you need to be specific. The object of the game was to get Darren to say the word, not to have $20. So the money was just a distraction. For me, my ultimate goal is to be healthy, which encompasses a lot more than my pants size. Being skinny might be the reward at the end of it all, but if that's my focus, I'll lose sight of what I really want.

Does it make sense what I was trying to say? Let me try it this way. It's important to differentiate between what knowing what you want to happen and knowing what you want not to happen. Darren gave the example of when he goes to the hardware store and the store clerks ask him what he's looking for, he doesn't say, "Well, I don't want a hammer." Well, okay, what DO you want? "Not a screw." He'd be there a long time if the kept up the conversation that way. Same with my situation; if I just say, "I don't want to be fat," then that's going to get me nowhere fast.

At least that's what I got out of the elephant game. Darren could've had a totally different point, but that's what I remember.

I came up with a list of things that, to me, are signs of being healthy, broken down into 3 categories: physical health, emotional health, and financial health.

Physical health

1. People who are healthy don't just exercise, they've found something that they love to do. I admire my younger brother, who is constantly on the move because it makes him happy. Or my cousin's wife, who's found that she loves body building. I even have a friend who just tried out for a pro Ultimate Frisbee team; I didn't even know those existed. The most fun I've had exercising is playing a game called "Bacon" with a bunch of elementary school kids when I was in college. Can I just do that every day?

2. Healthy people stop eating when they're full. I know it doesn't take that much food for my belly to feel full. I want that to be enough for me to stop eating, rather than trying to fill the void I feel with food.

3. Healthy people have a normal sleep schedule. Of course I'm writing this at 3 AM, so I'm not doing so well with this goal as of right now.


Emotional health

1. Healthy people stay in contact with friends and family. It's so easy for me to get lost in my day-to-day life. Wake up, work, eat, nap, work, tv, eat, sleep, wash, repeat. A couple days ago I reconnected with a friend from school and I had so much fun. We had an "S" party: we ate spaghetti and drank smoothies, sat in our sweats on the sofa, and watched Star Wars. It was Spectacular. I learned that she is working on writing a book, and that she goes to writing conferences. Her husband plays the guitar. Being with them has reminded me that those are things that I'd love to do. So doing something healthy (being social) begets other healthy choices (like learning new things and developing hobbies). Anyhoo, I need to do that more often.

2. This just may be my perception, but methinks the less time people spend on screens, like TV, computer, phone, etc., the healthier they are. I know for a fact I spend way too much time with a screen in front of my face.

3. Healthy people have a job they enjoy. Maybe it's because they don't settle for a sucky job, or maybe it's because they have a better attitude at a job that others would consider to be sucky. Either way, I need to make some changes.


Financial health

1. Healthy people work smarter, not harder. Right now I have 2 jobs to pay off my debts from my car, my surgery from February, and life in general. I would love to get down to one job.

2. Healthy people save money. Living paycheck to paycheck is a terrible thing, and even worse when, after paying the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker, there's nothing left.



I'm going to add more to those lists, to be sure. But those things are a start.

Here's another picture of an elephant that makes me happy, just as a reward for you making it to the end of my post.