Feel All The Feelings!

Wow, I'm so amazed at this last episode of Grey's Anatomy. I'm completely flabbergasted that FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, they had a scene that actually made sense, and someone said stuff that I actually agreed with!! AMAZING!

I seriously have no idea why I watch that show. I don't know how many times they've played out the same story lines. They're so completely uncreative that the characters have had to deal with TWO plane crashes within the last 3 seasons. Not to mention that the characters are so poorly written that they're all basically the same person. They all speak exactly the same way, and do all the same inappropriate things, They're all insane. If they were real people and I ever met any of them in real life, I would steer clear of them, ESPECIALLY if I found out that they were my doctors. And don't even get me started on the sex drama. As soon as there's a new character, you know it's just a matter of time before they sleep with everyone one by one. It's so smutty that it's almost embarrassing to admit that I watch it. Then there's the justification and rationalization for all the terrible things they do: patient doesn't want a certain treatment? Do it anyway, just as long as it works the patient doesn't need to know what you did to them. Want to cheat on your spouse? Go ahead, they were just being a jerk anyway. And then to add to all of this, the acting is laughable. Someone remind me why I watch this show?

Anyway, most of this last episode was the same drivel as always, but there was one scene that was a shining light. For a brief moment, I was actually quite moved, and inwardly shouted "YES!" because it touched on a principle that I think it so important. Then it went on to more of the same ol' stuff.

But I really want to tell you about this scene. I even typed up the dialogue and what was going on to post it because I want you to read it so I can blog about it.

BTW, if you're into this show, and you haven't seen the last couple of episodes, there are some spoilers ahead. Obviously. So don't read it if you want to be surprised. (Which you won't be. They don't do anything surprising on that show.)

So anyway, Derek the brilliant neurosurgeon just died (stupidly) in a car accident, which was totally his fault because he stopped in the middle of a u-turn on a winding mountain road to look for his cell phone, which was stupid in and of itself because he knew there was no reception!! Idiot. They couldn't have made it more obvious that they were trying to write his character off the show if they tried.

Everybody is dealing with his death in different ways. His wife took their kids and ran away, his friends are taking out their anger issues on every person who looks at them funny, two people decided to go to Iraq or Afghanistan or somewhere. Amelia, Derek's sister, who is also a brilliant neurosurgeon, says she's fine and just cracks jokes about Derek being dead.

Months and months after Derek dies, Amelia finally breaks. She is a recovering drug addict, and she buys some Oxy to get numb. Owen, her used-to-be-sort-of-boyfriend happens to run into her at her house in the middle of the woods (what a coincidence! You're here, too?) where she's having an internal fight whether or not she should take the Oxy. After admitting to Owen what's going on, and talking for a few minutes, this is the conversation that takes place:

Amelia: Every man I've ever loved has died, including my baby. [points to the sky] Thank you, universe!... I'm good, I got this, I'm fine. I'm telling you, I'm amazing... I'm handling the dead Derek thing really well. Except today... I went and scored Oxy from this junkie doctor.

Owen: But you haven't taken it?

Amelia: Not yet. But I might. That's the thing. I really actually might. I have been sober for 1,321 days, Owen. I was fine. It was managed. But I might.

Owen: All that stuff you're “managing?” You're not supposed to be managing it. You're supposed to be feeling it: grief, loss, pain, it is normal.

Amelia: It's not normal.

Owen: It is. It is normal. It's not normal for you because you've never done it.

Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief, and the pain, you've shoved it all down, and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it. Instead of dealing with being hurt, alone, and afraid... [you] run from it... We do these things, we run off, and we medicate, and we do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it's not normal. We're supposed to feel, we're supposed to love, and hate, and hurt, and grieve, and break, and be destroyed, and rebuild ourselves, and be destroyed again. THAT is human, THAT is humanity. That's being alive. That's the point. That's the entire point. Don't avoid it. Don't extinguish it.

[Amelia chokes back tears]

Amelia: Derek died.

[Owen nods]

Amelia: He died. I don't want to feel it! I don't think I can. I don't think I even want... I can't. I can't, I can't do this. [pulls out bag of oxy]

[Talking over each other]

Amelia: I can't!

Owen: If you don't...

Amelia: Shh! I can't do this!

Owen: You have to! If you don't, that bag of Oxy's not gonna be your last.

[Amelia looks at the bag longingly, but hands it over to Owen. He takes it. She breaks down in tears and falls to her knees. He falls to his knees with her and holds her as she sobs.]

Owen: You'll survive this, okay? Everybody does. It's perfectly normal. It's boring, even, it's so normal.

[end scene, lol]

Living life is hard and painful sometimes, and other times it's rewarding and joyful. As one of my heroes Glennon Doyle Melton says, life is brutiful (beautiful and brutal). The harsh realities of life are even more cruel when we feel like we can't talk about them, or face them, like what we feel is an accident. I really believe that we're supposed to feel all the feelings. If you believe in God or a creator or whatever, ask yourself, why would we be created with this brutiful spectrum of feelings if we weren't supposed to feel them all? Even if you don't believe in God, surely the principle of the necessity of opposites still hold true; to feel joy, we must also feel sadness, right?

Glennon Doyle Melton says this so perfectly when she talks about how we're all born sensitive to the world. When we start feeling weird about ourselves, or when we realize how rough the world is, we start trying to hide our real, sensitive selves behind whatever will numb us to the pain. I don't know how to stop that from happening or how to help others from the same fate. We could all use a little more sensitivity in our lives, though. We need more compassion for others and for ourselves. Maybe it takes daily self-reflection and meditation, or maybe the trick is to reach out for the safety net of a strong support system. Probably both. I'm trying to figure that all out.

Like Owen says, we're supposed to feel all of it: the wonderful, the terrible, and everything in between. Pretty good stuff for one of the worst shows on TV, right?