What Am I, a Wizard?: Angry Break Up Music

Alright, can I just take a moment to celebrate something?

No, I don't want to celebrate my amazing photography skills, although they're clearly evident in this picture. What I do want to celebrate is the fact that I'm wearing that particular workout shirt. Ok, not just that I'm wearing it, but the fact that I wore it in public. To the gym. And people saw me.

I realize that I'm at the beginning of the journey, and I have a long way to go before I'm considered a healthy weight. However, wearing this shirt felt significant. It means that I feel better about myself than I have in... ever. I'm starting to feel more confident, and better yet, healthier. I like these feelings. It's empowering. It makes me happy to stick to my sucky diet. It makes me want to go to the gym and work out for an hour. When I put on clothes that haven't fit me in a couple of years, it's a great surprise. My wardrobe has doubled since now I fit my old clothes again. But back to my point of the last paragraph: I work this shirt in PUBLIC. I usually cover as much as possible. This is a big deal, people.

Before I started writing this post, I reread my last post that I wrote 6 hours before surgery. I was so scared. Hopefully I put on a really brave face and that people didn't see the fear and doubt in my eyes. When I was wheeled into the operating room, it took all of the emotional strength I could muster to transfer myself to the operating table. I don't think I've ever had to put that much trust in people (the surgeon and his team) before, not even for my butt surgery. Although I know my surgeon is skilled and had a skilled team in the room with him, it's not an easy thing to ask of a person to put their health and future in other people's hands. With all of that said, I am so grateful to be feeling as good as I do right now, and I know I owe it to those people who I put ALL of my trust in. In my last post, I said that I was scared that I was making the wrong decision to have the surgery. Well, I'm so glad that I'm being validated in so many rewarding ways.

It's been an interesting 5-ish weeks since the surgery. I know I always say this, but I'll write more about it later. There's something that I wanted to bring up that was a fun discovery tonight. While on the treadmill at the gym tonight, I had such a blast listening to angry break-up songs. Hear me out before you dismiss me as being crazy. So much of what I'm going through with my diet and saying goodbye to the many, many pounds I'm losing feels like a breakup. As I'm listening to the songs, I start thinking about how they lyrics apply to what I'm going through right now. The best example I've come across so far is "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. I'm just going to copy and paste the applicable lyrics, not all of them, so you see what I'm talking about. As you're reading it, just pretend that you're talking to your bad habits, or your fat, or whatever. (I swear I'm not crazy.)

After all you put me through,
You think I'd despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
'Cause you've made me that much stronger

I've had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame

'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

[Chorus:]
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

I heard you're going round playing the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

In the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

It's sooooooooo cathartic to listen to this song while I'm working out. I love it. Here's the video of it so you can enjoy also. The video is weird, but I like the song.

Here are some other great songs that I loved listening to tonight:

"Bye Bye" by Jo Dee Messina

"My Give a Damn's Busted" by Jo Dee Messina

"DONE" by the Band Perry

"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift

"Gives You Hell" by the All American Rejects

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen (I sing this to the pounds that I'm losing, haha.)

Anyhoo, there you go. I just had so much fun with those songs. Add them to your workout playlist. You're welcome. Also, here are a few other great workout songs that aren't angry ones. Add these ones, too.

"I Love Me" by Meghan Trainor