Secrets

There's this really catchy song I've heard a few times on the radio lately that I really like: "Secrets" by Mary Lambert. The lyrics are

I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So-o-o-o-o what
So what
So what
So what

I can't think straight, I'm so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I'm passive, aggressive
I'm scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won't shut up
And I never really grew up

[Pre-Chorus]

They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it



Just so you guys can hear the catchy tune, here's the video:

One thing that I really appreciate is when people are honest about who they really are. We've all got issues. Nobody's life is perfect. We are our own harshest critic and our own worst enemy, and because of that, I feel like people hide who they really are and what's really going on with them. That doesn't benefit anybody. 

One of my heroes is Allie Brosch, author of the blog Hyperbole and a Half (and also the inspiration for the title of my blog). She's open about her quirks, her embarrassing experiences, and her depression. I'm so grateful to her, and I owe her a lot for helping me realize that I'm not the only crazy person on the planet. I also love reading the comments on each blog post, because thousands of others feel the same way that I do about her writing. "Wow. I do the exact same thing." "This right here is my life." "This is me, all the time, every day. It's nice to know I'm not alone! I think we might not be the only ones!" "I really think you are me in a parallel universe, writing about the same things. I KNOW ALL THESE FEELS."

Those are quotes from the comments section after some of her blog posts. Because she is honest, people know that they are not alone, not crazy, and that we're all in this together.

Glennon Doyle Melton is another hero of mine and another truth-teller. Here's a video of her TED talk, which is worth watching over and over. She basically says what I'm trying to say right now, but like 4 zillion times better than me.

Anyway, with all of that said, let me tell you guys something new about me. 

I'm in therapy. 

That's probably anti-climactic. Whatever you were expecting me to say, it's probably disappointing for you to know that my big secret is that I talk to somebody about my problems for an hour a week. However, there's such a stigma attached to therapy that it's hard for me to admit this. When I started going a couple weeks ago, I even felt a little ashamed that I need help. Well, I'm over it. 

I'll get into the whats, whys, and whens later so you guys can know more of my secrets. But I'm going to write all about it, because honesty is cathartic. Writing will help me be accountable for what I learn. And who knows, maybe somebody will benefit a little from my crazy.