Thanking My Past Self

When I get home from 8 hours of changing adult diapers, cleaning up vomit, walking around in wet shoes because I just showered 3 other people, and smiling even though in my head I'm screaming, I'm sweaty, tired, emotionally drained, and my feet kill me. The only thing I want to do is to sit on the couch and not move or think or talk to anyone for the rest of the day. But I think to myself, "Hey, if I take a shower tonight, I won't have to do it early in the morning, and I can sleep in longer." (Not to mention the fact, of course, that I'm crawling with old people germs.) Then, when I wake up after those 7 hours and 20 extra minutes, I take a moment to thank my past self for doing me such a huge favor.

When I take a minute to put a couple extra rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom cupboard, I know  my future self is really going to say thank you. And, come to think of it, so will my roommate's future self (although probably not out loud).

When I put gas in my car before it hits empty, I know my future self will drive down the road without wondering whether or not she's going to have to call her aunt and uncle to come rescue her (not that I know this from experience, of course!).

When I pay my bills so I'm ahead in payments, I know my future self is REALLY going to appreciate it!

For a couple of days, I've been thinking about this concept of doing things for my future self. As in, my future self is a totally different person and not the me that I will be later. If that makes any sense. Anyhoo, let me back up first.

I've never really admitted this before a couple of days ago, or even realized this about myself, but I think my biggest fear is of getting old. For the past two years I've been working with people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc... Is it necessary to say that these are scary diseases and that I don't want them? My plan was to live until I saw a grandchild or two, and then peacefully die in my sleep somehow when I'm like 60. Make that 55. I don't know, just sometime before I start having major health issues, whenever that will be. My line of work makes my outlook on the future look pretty bleak. (To clarify, not just my future; yours, too.)

Then I saw a video that put my fears on a list. A very scary list: the 16 leading causes of death [in the United States]. The majority of things on that list are very slow, sad, and painful ways to die.

Just imagine for a second that you're afraid of snakes and spiders and heights. For some of you, that might not be too hard to imagine. Now just imagine that someone gives you a box, and you open it up, and TA DAH! There's a bunch of spiders and snakes inside. Then you look up and you realize that you're bungee jumping off a cliff. That's what this list was: a box full of snakes and spiders and heights, handed right to me.

Luckily, the video is a doctor's presentation of how these diseases can be slowed, reversed, or ideally, even prevented. "How?" you probably didn't ask? Well, let me tell you!  It's really simple. Stop eating animal products. Like, now. And yes, that includes __________ and ___________ and ____________, whatever you think is delicious and couldn't bear to give up. Ice cream, yogurt, steak, tuna fish sandwiches. Yes. If it came from an animal, then yes. If you want to watch the video, click RIGHT HERE. I promise it's worth your time.

The purpose of this post isn't to convince you to be vegan. Or even to be vegetarian. I really just want to explain why I  am giving this a try. For now, go back to the snakes and spiders and heights. If someone told you that the box of creepy crawly things would disappear (or maybe just leave one or two) if you would just stop eating meat, would you do it? You wouldn't have to deal with those icky things any more. Ever. Would you do it?

Okay, I know I'm taking the analogy too far. My point is that in the past couple weeks of being "vegan," I've felt like I have a shot at a better future. (I have to add the side note that there are two things weirding me out about all of this: one, that I'm so okay with it, when all other diets or anything I've tried have been a fight; and two, applying the label of "vegan" to myself. That just feels weird.) I feel hope that I might grow old without my mind or capabilities diminishing. If that means giving up cheese or bacon, so be it. I can see my future self, surrounded by lots of grandbabies and great grandbabies, thinking back to her 28 year old self, and just being grateful for her choices.