Proud Owner of a Moldy Toilet

Back in April 2021, I was a wreck. I was finishing my bachelor's degree. I had just broken up with my boyfriend. I spent my nights sobbing through all-nighters while typing away at assignments that I didn't care about. My heart was crushed, my brain was in panic mode, and my soul had lost hope that I would ever really get the things I truly wanted in life. 

Fast forward to June/ July 2022. Things were worse, not better. I woke up angry, went to bed angry, and spent the days feeling like Ted from Scrubs, wanting to throw rocks at old couples and screaming inside my head, "Why should they be happy?!" I posted about my anger previously when I let everyone know I was starting the travel nursing thing up again. I needed a change, to get out of Utah, and to figure some stuff out about myself and my life. 

I've done a lot since then. I've traveled a lot in the last couple years. I've lived in Oregon, California, and Connecticut. I vacationed with friends in Germany, Switzerland, France, Austria for a few minutes by accident after a wrong turn, Thailand, Bali, Singapore, and Greece. I've lived in people's backyards, guest suites, and spare bedrooms, complete with tiny airplane-sized bathrooms and "kitchens" that comprised of a hot plate and a microwave. I've met people from all walks of life, including some business-savvy surfing Germans, a man from Tibet who used to be part of the group of bodyguards for the Dalai Lama, and a homeless guy in San Francisco who gave solid sightseeing tips. There have still been ups and downs, but all in all it's been a fun and wild couple of years. 

Travel nursing was always part of a bigger plan, though. For the first time in my life, I started planning ahead more than a couple months in advance. It's lead me to the next part of my life: being a homeowner in Oregon. I'm so excited to say that all the inconveniences of travel nursing have paid off in the form of a house that I just bought in a cool neighborhood in Oregon! 

I love it here, and I love my new-to-me house. Robyn and Kelly loaded up my stuff from my storage unit in Utah and brought everything to me. It's been so nice to have all my stuff together in one place. It's incredible to have a place to call my own. The house may have come with a moldy toilet, asbestos in the ceiling, and a handful of spiders, but they're MY moldy toilet, MY asbestos, and MY spiders. 

                     Isn't it cute??

                           Pretty flowers out front

            My first time in my very empty house as the owner

            Robyn and Kelly helping me fix stuff, aka fixing it for me because I don't know how

Fun DIY by the previous owner of paint slapped over some duct tape to fix a hole

There could be worse surprises to find in a closet

Robyn always leaves me deodorant love notes on my mirror

Trying to replace the moldy toilet (and ending up calling the plumber anyway)

More fixing things

                     More learning things 

                     More buying things

Thank goodness it all fits

Celebrating that it's a livable space now

One tired Kelly, one tired Robyn, and one tired pup

My life isn't at all what I expected it to be, and I still have intense feelings about that.  However, I'm grateful to have had lots of crazy experiences the last couple of years. I'm grateful that I don't wake up mad anymore. Right now, I'm just super excited for my new house, spiders and all.

What Healthy Looks Like

(I wrote this post a few months ago and don't know why I didn't post it, so here it is now.)

Today is October 10. It's the 6 year anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery. It took years to reach the decision to have that surgery, and my life has only been better because of it. I've probably said this on my blog before, but having gastric bypass was a pivitol moment in my life. It led to my decision to train for my first half marathon. Finishing my first half marathon led down a road to become a nurse. Becoming a nurse has been the biggest blessing of my life.

Here are some pictures of things I've done as a result of having this life-changing surgery.

I've run a few races.

I started and finished nursing school.

I've traveled the world.

I met amazing new friends and strengthened relationships with friends and family. There are too many to post pictures of here.

I get to be a nurse. Every shift is hard for me, but I still leave grateful to be a part of patients' healing journeys. 

I feel more comfortable in my skin. Not always, it's a work in progress. But I have a lot of days where I feel pretty darn good.

I'm grateful for the surgery that has infinitely improved my life. Without it, I honestly don't know what my life would look like right now. I imagine I would feel stuck, waiting for my life to start. To me, my life is what healthy looks like. It's not about counting calories, measuring every meal, tracking inches of my waist, or even looking at progress pictures. It's about being able to connect with myself, my loved ones, and the world around me. I feel so lucky that my surgery was a success.

Green

My favorite color is blue. When given the choice of similar items where one is any shade of blue versus any other shade of any other color, I usually pick blue. My favorite days are sunny ones with blue skies. My favorite places are usually places I can either sit and stare at turquoise water, or swim in it. When I bought myself a car a couple years ago, the only cars I considered purchasing were the blue ones. I would probably be okay if my entire wardrobe was blue, especially navy blue. Some people feel the most like themselves when they wear black, with the oft repeated sentiment that it matches their soul. Somehow, my soul is blue. 

Oregon has made me reconsider. Walking through forests that glow with all different shades of green might do that to you, too. Green is everywhere here. It's in everything and it covers everything, from the fields of clover, to the trees covered in lichen, to the mossy rocks in the rivers. Green is the color of life, as cliche as that thought is. Even out of the death and decay of old, fallen trees, new, green growth sprouts. As I've hiked the trails here, it's no exaggeration to say that I've been awestruck with the feeling of green: vibrant, rejuvinating, hopeful, and alive. 

I left Utah a few months ago feeling pretty terrible. The green of Oregon has been a much needed balm for my wounds. That was really the whole point of moving away from Utah, to get a little peace and perspective. I was so angry all the time there, and I just needed to do something- anything- different. 

Don't get me wrong, I still feel lonely, angry, and bitter sometimes. Dating is still awful here; the only difference is that now it includes even more emotionally unavailable, non-monogamous, "420 friendly" commitment-phobes who don't know what they want out of their life, but are sure that what the world needs is more brands of organic, vegan beard oil... Oops, did I just let my bitterness show? I'm working on it, *I swear*.

Anyway, it's harder to feel hopeless when I'm hiking, watching squirrels run up and down their mossy playgrounds, and listening to the roar of giant waterfalls. It's a good reminder that there is more to life than seeking companionship of a significant other.

My contract at the hospital in Springfield ended a couple weeks ago. Next week I'm moving to Berkeley, California to start a new contract. I'll be there for 13 weeks. Of course there's the excitment of moving and starting a new job, but I already miss Oregon. I'll probably be back. I need more green in my life.