In the spirit of Halloween, I was thinking of things that have truly terrified me. They're all from when I was little, and I've gotten over all but one of them. Now they're funny to me, which is why I'm writing this post, instead of going to therapy.
1. When you're little, everything is rainbows and cupcakes. That is, until they ruin the TV shows by putting evil monsters and such for Friend Bear, Love-a-lot Bear, and Funshine Bear to teach all about being a friend, loving a lot, and... shining lots of fun? Anyhoo, one such evil-doer that made an appearance on the Care Bears was a witch who scared the bajeebeez out of me. For several months, I was pretty sure she lived in my closet at night, and her sole purpose was to torment me. My blanket was my force field, and for those months when this witch lived in my closet, I spent many a night underneath it.
Maybe this is her?
2. Speaking of evil monsters, there was one that lived in our laundry room in the basement, which is located right next to the stairs. It was big and ugly, green and purple-y, and had a tongue like a chameleon that would snap around my ankle and pull me back to its gargantuan black hole of a mouth. At least it would have, if my little 5-year-old legs hadn't of taken those stairs, two at a time, as fast as they could, every time. I'm not sure how this laundry monster popped into my imagination. At least the movie "Home Alone" gives me the assurance that there were more kids in this world besides me who were afraid of their laundry rooms.
3. One thing my mom had to learn was not to put me on the spot. Whether it was for my preschool group when we put on a paper-bag puppet show for the moms, or realizing that I was the only kid at swimming lessons that day, she learned that I would either burst out in tears, or try to hide in the locker room. I know this one isn't very Halloween-y, but we're talking about times when I was terrified, right? So it works.
4. In elementary school I went through a stage where I thought I could die at any moment. This was brought on by my fifth grade teacher, Mr. Miller, because he read the newspaper to us every morning. After reading about an earthquake, I was sure a giant one was coming to Utah any day, since we're like 200 years overdue for a big one. When we read that swarms of killer bees were migrating, I learned that the best way to keep them away was water, so I made a plan to always be close to a garden hose. The worst, though, was when he read about this awful disease called necrotizing faciitis. Look it up and tell me it doesn't give YOU nightmares, then you can laugh. I'm sure my parents were very confused that night when I told them I thought I had that disease. Looking back, I'm pretty sure my foot was just asleep!
5. The "Goosebumps" series of books by R. L. Stein. The books were full of evil teddy bears that broke other toys they were jealous of, masks that take over your life, a giant monster at summer camp that turns kids into brainwashed slaves... *shiver* The one I remember being the most scared of was a girl who had her feet dangling over the side of her kiddie pool during the summer and some sort of monster ate her toes. I listened to this joyful story as my sister was reading it to my brother in the room that she and I shared. It was dark. I was once again hiding under the covers and plugging my ears. My siblings kept pinching my toes. Needless to say, this is one of the reasons we stopped sharing a room.
6. You might be asking yourself at this point what the thing is that I've never gotten over. All the previous fears grew smaller as I grew bigger. Even as I write this, I have my feet dangling off the end of the bed, without fear of toe-craving beasts. However, I hesitate to share this next one, because the universe already seems to be aware of my irrational fears that came from this, and just sent an earwig crawling around on my bed. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. The #1 thing that terrified me that I still haven't gotten over is... drumroll please...
The X Files.
To be fair, what young child would NOT be scared by The X Files? They made it creepy on purpose. My parents were fans of the show, so once a week, they would gather their trusting and unsuspecting small children around the TV and inflict the show on us. (We of course didn't have to watch it; however, the alternative was to be alone upstairs while alien-esque music and sounds of people being abducted floated up the stairs.) One season in particular had a really gruesome alien. I can only describe it as Black Alien Goo. It entered its human host bodies THROUGH THEIR EARS, coursed through their veins and under their skin, and eventually KILLED THEM.
I kind of remember acting brave about it. I would say, "Yay, X Files!" and sit to watch it with the family. (Let's ignore the fact that I was always afraid to go upstairs by myself after we watched the show, which I'm sure everyone noticed when I made them accompany me to the bathroom during commercials.)
Well, by the time that season ended, bedtime was torture. All I could think of as I lay in the dark was Alien Goo getting in my ears. My handy-dandy blanket once again came to my rescue. I wrapped myself up in it like a burrito (a giant, frightened burrito) and covered my ears as tight as I could with my blanket. If even a breeze touched my ears I would have to readjust the blanket. (Years later, I watched another movie where people were putting tin foil on their heads so aliens wouldn't read their minds, or something like that. Psh. Like aliens can read minds.)
This baby would be safe from aliens.
This blanket habit has continued into my adult life. Although aliens and monsters don't cross my mind at bedtime anymore, I still don't like the feeling of my ears being exposed. If I don't have a blanket (or if it's too hot), I'll simply cover my ears with my Rapunzal-like hair, which also does the trick.
Thank you, X Files, for ruining my childhood.
I guess the morals of these stories, to anyone that has small children out there, is that:
1. Your kids will be scared of something sooner or later, no matter how innocent the TV shows they watch.
2. Siblings will make it worse.
3. There is always something hiding in the dark.
I didn't realize how scared I was of everything until I started writing this blog post! I promise I'm not that much of a scaredy cat anymore. The only things that give me the heebie jeebeez are things like picking up a piece of fruit just to find out that the side you couldn't see is moldy, and insurance salesmen.
So, good luck! I hope that everyone has a fantastic Halloween and everyone has a nice spooking! And if you do, tell me all about it!
By the way, I obviously don't own any of those pictures.
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