Big Fat Soap Box

 I'm in an interesting English class this semester that is causing me to (voluntarily) dig into some topics that are sources of past hurts I've experienced in my life, and to come up with research topics about them. Today has kind of left me with some thoughts that I want to verbalize but don't really have an outlet for.

I've basically been fat my entire life. Some of my earliest memories involve being teased relentlessly by peers, having medical tests performed on me to figure out why I was so big for my age, taking medication to help me lose weight, and being put on diets as a child. Being overweight has been one of the most formative aspects of my life, and undoubtedly bled into all other aspects of my life, including personality, relationships, hobbies, and my career.

There's no question that increased weight contributes to many health issues. However, I have to question the medical community's biases of weight. Based on personal experience, I can say that medical professionals miss vital information when they write off all symptoms as results of weight. My ten pound tumor, which was the size of a basketball when it was removed, is evidence of this bias. Medical professionals whose opinion I sought simply told me to lose weight rather than performing thorough histories and exams, which would have shown them the massive tumor. Yes, my weight made the tumor slightly less obvious, and it's genuinely embarrassing to admit that a tumor that size went undiagnosed for so long because of it. However, the lack of thorough exams resulted in YEARS of pain and embarrassment. Luckily for me, the only long-term effects of the tumor are a big scar and my body being slightly asymmetrical. Another personal example is that when I had a blood clot in my leg a couple years ago, I worried that my doctor would again just attribute my health problems to my weight. Both the tumor and the blood clot were the result of genetics; not only does this kind of tumor run in my family, so does a blood clotting disorder. No amount of diet or exercise would have prevented either the tumor or the blood clot.

Perhaps just as damaging (emotionally and mentally if not physically), entertainment media is quick to make overweight people the butt of the joke. Recently I watched an episode of one of my new favorite shows with a scene that was kind of jarring to me. The main characters did something bad. Feeling guilty, they found the person who they hurt in order to apologize. The person came into the room and cried over what had been done. The main characters stopped feeling bad and were clearly uncomfortable because this grieving person, previously unknown to them, was fat. Person is sad because of sad thing, but their feelings are invalid because main characters are uncomfortable with person's size. That was it, that was the joke; cue the laughter.

Critics of the "body positivity" movement argue that being fat is a result of laziness and gluttony, and unhealthy behaviors are glorified. While I don't accept this attitude, I'm not excusing unhealthy lifestyles. I understand that physical and mental health are potentially improved with diet, exercise, and other related healthy behaviors. What I AM saying is this: there are biases against fat people that are damaging physically, mentally, and emotionally. The solutions to the problems that arise from these biases aren't very clear because they are accepted so widely and challenged so little. To drive this point, let me say this: I adopted and accepted negative attitudes about fatness from such a young age and so wholly that I believed it when people told me there was something wrong with me because of my size, that I did not deserve to be in a relationship or deserve love because of it, that I was lazy and selfish, that all my health problems were the result of my weight, that I should be embarrassed about myself, that I have to make my life and my personality small because I am so big, and that I could not and would not be successful. Those are only some of the messages that are so widely accepted. It's taken me years to challenge those beliefs, and I try every day to rewrite those stories that other people told me about myself.

Where does this bias come from? How did society move away from appreciating people with extra pounds and towards appreciation solely for thinness? Why are we so quick to attribute weight issues to an individual's character flaws, rather than accepting that the issue is complex and multifaceted, with solutions that are equally complex? How can we be better healthcare professionals for people with weight issues? Why is it so hard to believe that fat doesn't always mean unhealthy, just like skinny doesn't always mean healthy? I have so many questions.